It’s been a minute since I updated Cosmos and Pearls. Sometimes life gets in the way of writing a good entry! I’m trying this new thing called “posting an update every Friday.” I had thought about Wednesdays but didn’t want to steal the thunder from Stacy at Bitchvice (if you haven’t watched an episode yet, you totally should!).
Last week couples around the world celebrated Valentine’s Day. I used to absolutely despise the “holiday” as it was the one day of the year that was meant to make single people feel like crap. Gone are the elementary school days when we were able to indulge in candy and chocolates as equals and even the Ralphs of the world got a card. As we get older, a division begins to exist. On one hand you have the singles wallowing in self pity and shooting dirty looks to the loving couple sitting a few tables down in a crowded restaurant, and on the other are those in committed relationships who are feeling the pressure to make Valentine’s Day as perfect as possible for their significant other. Sounds like a drag for both sides, doesn’t it? I decided to make peace with V-day a couple years ago, though I still get annoyed with women posting photos of their flowers on Facebook. Though I would’ve loved a bouquet of roses or a new pearl necklace from a cute guy, a bottle of chardonnay, red velvet cupcakes and Thelma And Louise on Netflix wasn’t such a bad deal either.
However, this post isn’t about Valentine’s Day, as that was already a week ago…duh! I’ve been doing some thinking about the bigger picture and found a couple of articles that resonated with me. The first is from Women’s Health magazine and titled “3 Signs You Should Be Single – For Now”. It broke down various situations in which a woman should step off the field and have a seat on the bench. The last one, “if you’re having bad luck with dates” was the one I identified with the most. My time in LA has been marred by dates or short relationships with men I was clearly not compatible with. From D the producer of a hit TV show, R the “grandma’s boy” to J the music video director (I’m using first initials to protect the guilty), I’ve put up with enough to make one want to swear off dating for good. I’d be happily single for a while and then an event like a housewarming party where most of the people there were married would happen and temporary loneliness would set in. I’d log onto Tinder or OkCupid and try convince myself that things would be different, though deep down I knew that was definitely not the case. A week ago I decided that online dating and I aren’t working out and I should just give it up. I told myself, “if and when it’s meant to be, it will happen.” Wasting my time on a task that’s not generating results is not productive.
The article also had me thinking about a conversation I had with my new roommate a couple days ago:
J: “I’m bored. I need to find a new girl to date so I can have something to pass the time. I’m getting sick of 2nd Street on the weekends.”
Me: “That doesn’t seem like a good reason to date somebody. Why don’t you try to find a new hobby?”
J: “I have work and I have the gym. Those are my hobbies.”
Me: *Shrugs Shoulders*
After this exchange I began to think that many people use dating to fill a void that may be otherwise left open. It’s not something they necessarily enjoy, they just do it to pass the time. Many would rather subject themselves to being around people they’re clearly not compatible with than deal with being alone. To me, that’s sad. I feel like the most important thing I’ve learned is to develop a relationship and love myself. During my college years I spent too much time chasing guys and attempting to force relationships. Sometimes I think about the friendships I’m missing out on now because of the way I acted back then. With that in mind, it’s been nice to completely focus on myself for a change.
The other piece that got my attention and quite frankly sparked some irritation is one titled, “A Little Valentine’s Day Straight Talk” by Susan Patton. It was published in the Wall Street Journal last week. To provide a quick summary, Ms. Patton basically states that women in their 20s should be focusing on finding their husbands rather than advancing our careers. If we choose to spend our time working on the latter, before we know it we will be in our 30s and we will have to compete with girls in their 20s (and lose)! This has to be one of the most absurd things I’ve read in a while. She suggests that having a husband is the “key to true happiness”. I beg to differ. As a child, I watched my parents’ marriage unravel and then my mother rebuilding her life in the years following. I only have one uncle that is still married. My other aunts and uncles are divorced. I have one aunt and one uncle that have walked down the aisle at least twice. When you consider those facts, why would someone like me ever be in a rush to find my future husband? Shouldn’t Ms. Patton be telling young women that you should wait for the one who is going to love and marvel at you no matter what happens in life? It’s women like her who are contributing to the fact that there are so many unhappy marriages today. There are two many people out there living under the illusion that you need to be hitched by a certain age in order to be happy.
OK…rant over!
The takeaway from this should be not to rush love. Everyone in this world is able and deserving of giving and receiving it. Enjoy life and I have a feeling that it will manifest when we are least expecting it.
Until Next Week,
L
Cosmos And Pearls 